excerpts from a recruit's walk.

just while i'm packing to book in again, this time i accidentally brought along my blue bunny journal book which buddy Reza (PS I MISS YOU) gave to me before i enlisted, as i flipped through the many scribbled pages, many memories just came haunting back. in a good way, some not.

3rd July 2007

"just what is it about bringing along hte burdens and past hurts from previous relationships to your current?

is there usch a deterrence? we're living in constant fear and insecurity that unfaithful (or any other respective vice) partners are rife

will there ever be a resolution to this stigmatic potential killer to intimacy?

the answer is no. there is no evitable doubt that we will, in time-to-tim question or suspect or doubt our loyalty. this is caused by circumstances and the occasionally uncontrolled emotions.

I remembered the ex saying " i can't or will not bleieve anything you say till i see it" over the phone. true. i admire long distance relationships. but i admire the harsh reality, that is the less you see your partner, the higher chance of infidelity.

how do we overcome this factor that negatively pushes the relationship of every healthy human? visual/ expressive trust. not just trust, but trust through visible or audible methods.
"

***

10th July 2007

7 things that make me Euphoric in TEKONG!

1. ice cream instead of fruit during meal times
2. the few seconds before sergeant yells "berhenti" after a march from the cookhouse
3. topless wherever in the bunk. SHIOK SEH SO COOLING AFTER PT SIAAAA.
4. messages from loved ones on my phone
5. The zouk Polaroid of me & the boaters pasted on my locker door
6. afternoon admin time
7. Cat 1 signal! (RAIN!)

***

26th July 2007

Field camp's over! it was quite memorable, there were its high times and low times as well. but i did not get the full force discipline due to my flatfoot problems (which PS: getting worse!) so no pushups till the last day or funny exercises. I guess the memorable period was when it rained non stop for 4 days. and we were leopard crawling through the mud and subsequently sleeping in it. gross.

but during some points while i was trawling through the yuck, i though is infantry duty for 6 months worth the rank of a sergeant?

you won't realise how out of my shell i felt sleeping on a wet muddy groundsheet. but through this, i was convinced o fmy decision.

****

6th August 2007

the tears i cry at romantic movies or when i just think back. the deep emotional attachements i felt for you for me for us

you told me to move on. i tried eventually, then the phone call happened. and it made me think again. think a lot, but i didn't reply much lest i say things that could trigger the raw emotional hurt that might manifest. i tried to convince myself to believe in what you said that we won't work out. maybe we won't but i'm just tied down by what we had and what we could have had.

i guess we had a different interpretation on love.

*****

20th August 2007

now that only 2 route marches are left, Orion 4 is in a rather peaceful state, i ______________ so that i could pursue my As, driving and basically be there for the Matriach.

by 2007, 15 june Monday ORD!

i will

-complete my GCE A levels with decent grades
-get into NTU SCI , NUS FASS or SMU Biz / Social Science
-Driving license achieved!

******

24th August 2007

tears tears, are like rain.
there's always a seasonal downpour

but when it hits the ground. it proves its worth the journey, it benefits its experience to others. to the ground. to the flowers. to the fauna.