i think i'm getting vain. ouch. so much for the complimentary facial trial.
alright. i'm all decked out in angelic togs. now come crucify me :D
and here we go on the whirwind tour of nightlife in Singapore.
and it kinda hits me that if the interview pulls through, this sunday night would prolly be the last night at St James.
ngggggh. open invitation! come one come all, come see an intoxicated itczy at his best. LOL.
if all goes well, i will be having late nights at Circular Road, and doing media plannings and administration.
crosses fingers. i hope i won't turn into a walking michelin man tyre. man. 9-6 office work. tsk!
but hey, worth the experience and the pay lar. considered i'm like P.A to Director / Asst. Office Manager. aiya. some grunt work, but hey, work it up to the top!!
felt quite okay with the interview just now at spinellis. i came across as confident and eloquent (to quote the director), and arrogant. omg. haha. arrogant?! seriously!?
yesterday got me meeting 2 very familiar faces throughout my poly years. aside from the birthday fiesta with denise "galpal" kok and scrutinising the bad accessories in a few shops in marina sq, just as i was sending her back to her bus stop, i had the rare privilege to bump into mr ho yongmin! so we went to my usual watering hole, which is the starbucks next to the Hello shop next to Paragon.
it counts me very blessed to have friends whom i don't have any common weekly rituals or activities in similarity, but still make an effort to keep up with each other. Also, a big thank you to both NUS FASS sophomores and seniors for giving me positive encouragement and handy tips. if it wasn't for the stewpig stewpig blogger photo crap, i'd have posted up more pictures of kok and her nice little birthday bundle made by yours truly.
so i'm doing the night shift instead of the morning shift today, but before that, i'm gonna treat myself and someone else to some retail therapy. ha. I really wish i had the ability to go swimming, if it wasn't for the hard pressed fact that it could rain anytime. NGGH.
it's citylink, CK Tang @ Orchard and back to good ol' Heeren. Can't Complain. it's worth it :)
i just have to go through the pain staking torture of waking up tomorrow morning at 7 frigging AM and listen to a student who never practices, one whom i can talk to for hours, and one whom i absolutely love and adore (ELIZABETH!).
afterwards, it'll be an afternoon of "me" time before heading out to a great "celestial" celebration. whooopeee!!
i did this while i was at work (Thanks to stupid wireless.sg not functioning in heeren)
20 Random things that make me HAPPY!
1. finding a 5 dollar / 2 dollar note amidst my sea of receipts in my trusty wallet!
2. doing work in less than the expected time
3. my favourite tune coming on in my random Mp3 player playlist
4. Ed Hardy Clothing worn tastefully on the street.
5. HUGS!
6. cut up fruit in air tight containers in the fridge.
7. pay day! $$$
8. a place / common group of people in total agreement with each other.
9. cheeky smiles *nudges weili*
10. warm orange tungsten lighted photos (especially of myself! no one looks gorgeous in fluroscent)
11. the cherry in cocktail liquors!
12. the stinging unexpected punchline in jokes.
13. Melted cheese that sticks to the roof of your tongue in pizza / sandwiches.
14. Sweet onion sauce or White Chip Macadamia Cookies from Subway!!
15. My mum's hearty laughter.
16. A nice, even Golden Brown Tan and a Awesome Hair Cut
17. Pretty, athletic girls in bikinis at the beach (i DO look okay. *insert cheekopek laughter*)
18. Unexpected friends popping by InstantKarma when i'm working.
19. The surprise kill (against all odds) in DOTA.
20. Honey Dijon Mustard Kettle Chips!
i've been looking through a few conversation historys, some with much depth and thought, whilst others skimming through the basic foundations of good social skills.
colourful is the suitable description.
many quotable quotes that really left an impression in my head. it was as though many pages were torn in our book of history.
promises made and broken, hearts bonded and shaken.
"so long as you're happier, it's worth it." you said it (20th February 2007 01:11:34) , but i'm standing by it from now on too.
"i'm nicer" you said it (21st February 2007 23:15:30) and you still are (to an extent) anyway.
and i still hate your sources and how they twist and corrupt my actions and situations. really, some are really that inaccurate, it's like christina getting bald and preggers whilst Britney gets happily married and settled down. K fed not included.
i just wish we didn't judge each other, jump to conclusions and be uber-paranoid too quickly. that was the downfall of our friendship
i shall shutthefishermansfriend up from here on outwards.
P.S : apologies for the lack of depth and detailed updates, been real busy lazy to update, though lotsa things have been flying in and out of my ears and train of thought. Apparently, those thoughts took a detour at the SIANSVILLE stop.
somewhere down the line, i want to be at a position where i don't have to feel so guilty of buying a $135.00 Ralph Lauren Polo Tee.
somewhere down the line, i want to be at a position where i don't have to think so hard when i want to buy a $195.00 Ed Hardy Rhinestone White Tee.
somewhere down the line, i want to be at a position where i don't have to stick to just housepour jugs and instead, open a $99.00 Moet & Chandon Champagne bottle every night
somewhere down the line, i want to be at a position to say i am sane enough to drive and not worry about car accidents (don't get me started on what happened today) and be able to afford a fetch-looking space wagon / Jeep.
somewhere down the line, i want to be at a position where i can dine at nice looking cafes, bistros and resteraunts that cost about like $9.00 just for a glass of water, excluding GST, Service Charge etc.
somewhere down the line, i want to be at a position where i am contented with what i have and who i've become.
somewhere down the line, i want to be at a position where i settle myself down instead of being (quote laoshi) " a jack of all trades but a master of none "
somewhere down the line, i want to be at a position where i can look back and give a wide grin and start my autobiography.
somewhere down the line, i want to be at a position where what i've done will be enough.
maybe the source was the source itself, i felt rather liberated, relieved and more transparent when we gathered and talked in the studio and hearing it directly. i felt that there was so much agitation and trepidation between the 2 camps that we somehow felt so misunderstood.
much as i feel bonded between us, let us know that we can only push and encourage that far, if you don't wish to / unable to come for any of the sessions then I'm sorry, it's really your loss, and it's high time that we moved on whether you're able to catch up or not.
friends we are, but professionally, i'm afraid we will move on. we do hope you'll join us. i'm not saying i'm there already, but i'm actively working towards it. we all have our problems. we do, but it's how we take it in our stride.
and suddenly Rihanna's "PS: I'm still not over you" song came into my mind.
*
throughout the day, this song has been in my head, and i really wondered and wondered why would this song be in my head? so i lyricsearch.net -ed it and scanned through it. and it really speaks volumes.
just like a star cross the sky, the infinite definitions and musings of each and every individual ball of hot gas.
we react to things differently.
maybe i'm thinking too much as usual, maybe trying too hard could be defined differently.
maybe the sources were wrong, maybe the source was the source itself. one can't deny the many infinite possibilities of every situation.
big hugs and thanks to Alvin Kor who's always there for me, especially in today's tribulation, for hearing out my rants and concerns and always there to attend to me, the laughters that brought on conviction and the interactions we've had for nearly a year? fwoar. it's that fast, and u're still one of the closer big brothers in my life.
Mabel the big sis too! for always giving a fair opinion and being a fair and distinct hearer to my woes. Big sister in dragonboating and always there for a laugh along. jokes aside, she brings me to the ground with her fair comment.
all i know is that, i'm gonna be me. Afterall, many billion va-gillion people in the world, and there's only one me. so why bother to be someone else and be a Xerox Product? Let's have some class and some identity.
Weili was right, he said this "if people say things about you and you crumble, you're guilty then" (paraphrased)
i'm not gonna crumble. i'm just gonna rebuild myself into a better impersonation of myself. an irony per se, but better than being misrepresented by ... myself.
i think i've had enough. really. whatever i've done is always misconstrued.
trying to be the nice guy that I've always been has been known to be taken as "trying too hard"
maybe church really has made me to look like a giant fake of an ass. why do we give more than we should? coz i've learnt to try to be a giver of all and a taker of none. why do i always poke concern when i see things that are not going right? coz i've learnt to be a person who genuinely care for others, "find the need, meet the deed" . but alas, people call me kaypoh, busybody and someone who knows too much for his own good.
sometimes, i wonder, if it was even best to have just clammed up and be some black-faced person who is so silent that the tension can be cut with a big fat butter knife.
really, to whoever who feels that i'm "trying too hard", if you were ever considerate and ethical enough to tell me personally, i'd have really understood the term of being a friend.
plan of action right now: take a backseat. smile politely. and try to stay away, maybe we all need some breathing space. and I am for damn sure i've got a big sack of oxygen to breathe upon.
we should all stay away from what's clearly not good for us.
why do i have this feeling of impending doom?
and why do i have a feeling that i'm stepping into something that's .... fatal.
mmmm. morbid thoughts at 0145hrs. figures.
lack. of. sleep.
and on a very random note, i'm thinking of getting a tattoo. and i'm not the only one. :) someone watch miami ink a lot larrrrrr.
how about one on the lower back? but first. LOVE HANDLES TO GO PLEASE. else if i (ever) lose weight, my tattoo will be so stretched.
and speaking of the design, i was thinking ZHI(chinese) as in zhi tong dao he? opinions please. don't worry, it'll be quite small, maybe 2 50 cent coins together max?
and yes, aside from all the usual occupational hazards and disclaimers of getting a tattoo, the matriach is okay with it. can u believe it? the traditional iron-fist matriach has only this to say :"think REAL hard about it first".
i'll think definitely. besides, the pain is a bit hard to imagine. but hey, i've waxed my facial hair before so no biggie.
okay, you can pick your jaws off the floor now.
sometimes, as we permeate ourselves into the perfect being, there are the odd chunks of granites among the smooth cream.
the pain is indeed deep and boy, the sadistic ventriloquists out there are having a field trip. As they begin to throw their voices of command into the deep abyss, the mermaid echoes with deep fervour for its commandment.
the icy cold trickling slowly down the shoulder, reaching its sensitivity of warming hearts. just how much pain can one cause before the conscience is jolted into realising the tomfoolery committed.
for sure.`no one knows the destiny planned out except the beholder itself.
22/3/07
Venue: InstantKarma @ Heeren
Time: 1445hrs
interview with Isaac Chan, 19, part-time shopkeeper / pub waiter / piano teacher
by Isabella Chong of Paparazzis-Rate-a-Total-A or P.R.A.T.A
As i walked daintily into the level 5 local retail shop at Heeren , i was greeted with a perky hello followed by a flashing smile of pearly whites. Two beady little eyes greeted me with great zest and quickly enquired whether i was THE Isabella Chong, famous for tabloid fodder and paparazzi gossip. I guess he knew it right away, judging from my 5 o clock shadow, naked makeup and a lanyard, coupled with a stack of papers on my hand and a PDA strung around my neck.
As he guided me to the nearby wonton mee stall (which i have to agree, was quite palatable for my taste), the interview got off to a good start
P.R.A.T.A: 3 jobs? that must be quite taxing on you.
ISAAC: well, not really. If you look at it this way, i devote saturday mornings to teaching piano, one friday / saturday night at MOX (the bar) and a few weekday morning or night shifts for Instant Karma, so if you think about it, it's pretty much quite coherent and does not clash with each other. As for rolling in the big bucks, i doubt so.
P.R.A.T.A: really? 3 jobs really calls for a lot of income.
ISAAC: I do these jobs for the experience, namely education, nightlife and retail. As i'm quite a believer in retail therapy and going through teenhood, there are its many downs, so yes, charging stuff to my debit certainly balances the input and output of my account.
P.R.A.T.A: if you say so, aside from working these, what do you do these few days now that you've finally graduated?
ISAAC: I've been going for casting calls and auditions for bit pieces here and there. I've also gotten myself involved in a few photoshoots, like recently one for a Coca Cola Pitch. Not exactly noteworthy considering in the final cut only my back was shown, but hey, good exposure. Another just happened yesterday, it was a TVC for One Rochester, a new condo that's coming out soon.
P.R.A.T.A: seems like you're slowly cracking your way into showbiz.
ISAAC: *chuckles* i don't know whether i'm cut out for working in the media industry. It is rather cuthroat and ruthless. After graduating (from NP FSV), i've realised how impatient i am making films that i'd probably be either in front of the camera or doing another aspect of the local media industry. As for modelling, hello? i ain't go much of a manly face. people constantly mistake me for a butch thanks to my newest hairstyle.
P.R.A.T.A: you don't say?
ISAAC: really! i think that's why people stare. I'm a real paranoid person, but i'm slowly changing. But sometimes, you just gotta take opinions in your stride.
P.R.A.T.A: aside from all your weekday activities, how about your weekends? Sources say you used to be a active devoted church goer to one of the mega churches...
ISAAC: i'm not ashamed to say i used to be rather passionate about Christianity, but after much analysis, to put it politically correct, let's just say i'm not comfortable with the culture and the way things are being run around there. Maybe i'll go back one day, but for now, i don't see myself committing myself so actively but i'll still go back once in a while for the service, cause i can't deny God's existence.
P.R.A.T.A: what exactly happened there?
ISAAC: i'd love to tell, but not within this interview.
P.R.A.T.A: moving on, you seem to be rather tanned since the last time you made headlines.
ISAAC: yeah, i recently joined the Caregiver & Counselling Welfare Association Dragonboat team (CCWA) and aside from the sunday morning trainings, i've made a great bunch of friends through these activities. We're really a close knit bunch and meet up 2-3 times a week. Girls can be seen clamouring over some of my teammates, but i don't blame them, we're all lookers in our own right.
P.R.A.T.A: sources say you recently ended an exlusive date with someone who really was attracted to you
ISAAC: i was attracted to her too, but maybe things didn't work out, you know? i don't wanna say too much, it's private. next.
P.R.A.T.A: there's been a sex tape that's been going around the internet between you and Rick Solo.. oh wait, wrong interviewee.
ISAAC: ....
P.R.A.T.A: one reader wants to know what attracts you.
ISAAC: to say that i'm not taken in by looks to an extent is a definite lie. we're all humans by nature and having a partner is like a trophy, so obviously my partner would have a certain degree of looks. Aside from the appearance, i think humility and honesty would be exceptionally good attributes. H.H.H : hot, humble, honest. mmmm. triple threat dont' you think?
P.R.A.T.A: no objections here. now for more saucy information, what turns you on?
ISAAC: glazed eyes and a cheeky smile.
P.R.A.T.A: so innocent, i'm sure there's a certain..
ISAAC: FAMILY EDITION please! NEXT.
P.R.A.T.A: you claim to have a liking for japanese food?
ISAAC: oh yes! what's not to like about sushi especially? i love 'em. though the carbo in the rice kinda makes you feel abit lethargic after awhile. I also have a fondness for yong tau foo and economical mixed rice. i like the variety. TOFU!
P.R.A.T.A: you seem to be a heartlander.
ISAAC: i really am nowadays, i wasn't exactly born in the most humble of all places, but after hanging out with appropriate people, i realised that i'd very much prefer having nice moderately priced food rather than hang out at the country club bowling and eating such atas food. I don't see the need, i'm sure money can be spent on better things like the ones you love.
P.R.A.T.A: the ones you love?
ISAAC: oh don't think so much lar. my friends, my teammates..
P.R.A.T.A: alright! before we end it off, tell us one thing you hate.
ISAAC: sweat. i can't stand perspiring! there should be more airconditioning around town! walking from like cinileisure to heeren in this tropical climate could make you perspire a bit already!
"i'm sorry for blaming you,
for everything i just couldn't do.
and i've hurt myself, by hurting you"
-Christina Aguilera "Hurt"
because of the indigestion, my whole day was pretty much crammed (pardon the pun) with mood swings and appointments, ranging from a corporate video shoot, vocal lessons, working at heeren, dinner with chrystal, coffee with derek/dickole, supper with Alaric & finally supper with Colin Chong.
I love the prospect of doing corporate video shoots on the side. It was a video for the opening of this new condo called One Rochester. aiya, small bit really, but hey, easy money, easy network. Aside from the excessive perspiration due to filming at a very crammed, non-ventilated staircase to show 4 "top grade" students winning awards (symbolized by holding giant trophies and globes).
It's always really great having friends around: supper with Alaric @ Xin Wang HK Cafe was cosy as usual, and aside from the usual banter, the food wasn't that bad. Apparently, my disgust for luncheon meat has been slowly improving into an affection for it. Supper with Colin Chong at the usual SPIZE place was a time of great nostalgia. Man, countless times have we been there with different people, but once we go "reminiscing", there's no turning back.
Also, TongShui Cafe is nearby, and there's like StarMovies chn version and airconditioning! and the food isn't as atas-priced as it is. Gotta try it out soon. the desserts look really tempting!
and a phone call happened last night, and things didn't really go my way, most of it listening, but i realised how much sense the caller was knocking into my brain. but thanks to stubbornness, over-familiarity and plain bad indigestion, i refused to listen and shielded myself up.
but i guess it's over, things move on.
i sat down at the television just now just to have some nocturnal boob tube hulabaloo. and Avril Lavigne's latest single "girlfriend" from her newest album is so bubblegum rock. ha. pink streaks and dance moves (yes *shudders*, dance moves) tsk. do i smell a bald preggers female pop star evolving?
sometimes, i wish it'd be nice for someone to curl up on the television with me late at night, be it watching American Idol Rejects, a scary B grade movie or just MTV in general. maybe i had the chance, but i blew it.
britney shaved her head as a act of angst.
i did too.
well, i didn't actually, but a new haircut
i have a new androgynous do as an act of breakthrough. a physical manifestation on how i view life.
isn't life androgynous? a typical myriad of right and wrong, where ones actions can prove to be both valiant and/or perverse. a definite puddle of grey matters. where everything can be proved to be amoral.
let me constantly remind myself that never give up on love, and that there's always tomorrow's sunshine to revel for joy in.
pictures up soon.
(juanjuan and me sec 4 last day of school )
(ELDDS Junior Afiqaah & Me, Speech Day Rehearsal '03)
Then came Upper secondary in Gan Eng Seng, boy, i don't know what got into me, but I gave puberty the credit. Aside from gamely learning to lower my pants level (hur) and begin to appreciate the comfort that is to leave your shirt hanging out, i decided (after being rejected by 7 girls throughout my lower secondary life) to slim down.
(Jeremiah & Me, Graduation D&D @ Amara Hotel(?) 2003)
(Vanitha & I in our SYF Costumes after performance, early 2003)
(elf wong elin and i, ELDDS SYF Victory BBQ @ Ms Armstrongs house, late 2003) PS : don't kill me elin!
Oh, i also joined the Military Band in sec 1 but left after a year coz i felt that ___________________. haha.
(elf & I again at Graduation night D&D, 2003)
(Juan & I, last day of school 2003)
(shion, juan & I fooling around in the Library during the mugging days pre O level, 2003)
4) thanks to the environment of the library, i finally understood the term of mugging as a group of us stayed back every day from 9am-9pm just studying for our Os in the library. Of course, the occasional round of Gunbound in the media section counted as mugging too. ha.
(juan, me and boonpeng being TwitZX in the MalE ToiLEtZX, 2003)
--
truthfully, i enjoyed blogging this entry, it was great just having a valid excuse to look at my old photos and tell a tale. not much of a legacy, no sleeping with teachers, no vandalism or arson, or pad-throwing anecdotes.
just the tale of an obese kid turned into a beautiful duckling (not swan, duckling)
the thought of making a post totally Shakespearean Old English was always at the back of my mind, and of course the spirit is willing but the flesh is flabby weak. so i shall thus procrastinate.
anyway, after last night, i'm feeling a wee bit better i suppose, it'll eventually fade, for whatever i don't focus on, will eventually blur to the background, doesn't mean it's not existent, but "omission breeds betrayal"
I suddenly have a burst of positive inspiration this morning as i took the bus, i messaged ________ and wished her well and said i suddenly thought of her, and i never expected a reply, but yeah, these little things along the period of the day really gets me going. You know who you are sister! :)
We could all stand to be more positive. and it starts today. :) call me a walking contradicting hypocrite, cause i don't blame you judging from the last few posts. ha. but hey, like i said before, in our life some rain must fall. but after the refreshing aquatic monsoon, you feel recharged and getting all ready to paste carpe diem on your forehead again.
*sees things to do list today*
Gymming and later on at night hip hop dance practice for the upcoming performance at the new Korean Mall @ Novena. I hope the deal goes through with the management there. all right,
WORLD HERE I COME! *takes out cape*
after a night of st james and many jugs of alocholic mixes later.
i'm partially over you.
and yet, the guy whom brought me out for supper and paid for my cab fare home still is unable to erase the personality you possess.
however, that was semi-dispelled by your sms-es today..
comatose.
that's what i felt on a sunday evening. have i really gone into being such an emotional wreck? whatever happened to me being a pillar of support to my friends around me?
have i gone into being such a tormented soul of emotions that i've become so redundant and obsolete to the issues around me? why do i cry at the happy endings of movies? Barnyard, The Valiant, The Little Black Book, Blood & Chocolate.
is it because of the touching storyline and the positive conclusions? is it because of the beauty of the digital thespians? or is it because i'll never get the happy ending i'll ever want.
" omission breeds betrayal. " - The Little Black Book.
I'm really sorry to all readers who wanted a life-affirming, revolutionising entry about poetical musings and the like. The need to go through a bit of rain every now and then is certainly a cycle of life.
I'm afraid to close my eyes, for tears are bound to fall at the lyrical visions being played in the mind.
I'm afraid to open my eyes, for tears are bound to fall and the courtship rituals of others being presented before me.
I'm afraid to clasp my lips, for the gnashing of teeth is bound to manifest at the haunting sounds of isolation and loneliness.
I'm afraid to open my mouth, for some passionate words were best left unspoken.
I'm just... afraid.
give me a reason to hate you, cause it'd make me feel better.
really sorry for passing the emo bug (if i were ever at fault that is) to Chrystal. haha. hope your shifts at Heeren are impeccably perfect.
*
working at MOX tonight gives me the tranquility i needed. As much as there's crunch time once in a while during the peak hours, the mood of the whole place is so peaceful. Aside from the loud thumping clubbing-tempting beats, the furniture and layout is definitely retro and old skool.
speaking of MOX, my mum finally found out i was working at "the gay bar"[thanks to a cousin] and boy did she let it out at me, she was definitely concerned, but aiya, nothing surprises here anymore. *shrugs*
besides, i'm sure the matriach is an understanding woman, i don't want to increase my allowance, nor do i wanna be a financial burden to her. Pete's sake, she's not even working.
*
tell me how can i live one day without thinking about you. fuck.
i lost it.
tears that weren't meant to be provoked out.
but irrational is love. and love is irrational.
maybe we're too idealistic creatures. or at least me.
but look beyond the fucking superficial to see how much affection reigns in my bloodstream.
virginities were broken tonight.
secrets were revealed tonight.
battles were lost tonight.
tension was uneasy tonight.
conditions were humid tonight.
yet, i chose to remain happy content. afterall, what ivy said was true, "after all the situations and events that have happened in your life, such as ____________________, you truly deserve to be happy and stay that way."
she's right. she's usually right.
*
hello dear Sparrow, how far can you see from the tree up there?
do you see a love-lorn little boy pining for the heart of a man? a man full of experience, security and matured secrecy? or do you see, from your tiny little eye, a immature little boy wanting the flesh of a greek-god-finesse.
hello dear Clouds, how high do you float amongst the hemisphere?
do you see the many deep lurking morally-questionable strangers that encircle the young hero, waiting to pounce on him the moment he is vacant in the heart? or do you see, from your wide panoramic view, the samaritans of love that encircle his loneliness and are more than happy to bide by his side.
hello dear River, how deep is your aquatic depth?
do you see and hear from down below the whimpers of sorrow of a young boy that dreams of wanting something that he cannot get, something so inexplicably impossible? or do you see, from your deep mysterious abyss, the call for help in the name of unconditional love and hope, a call that would set his sail and direction of his adolescent life straight.
hello dear Man, how hungry are you for this child?
do you see a boy that needs your tender loving care, one that greatly appreciates the caress of your touch, one who wishes to weep in your arms and places his fragile head on your shoulders? or do you see, from the eyes of wisdom you behold, a confused little brat that doesn't know what he wants, but grants the lusts of his flesh to overpower his sanity and bring you a step closer to being even more skeptical towards transcending love?
hello dear Me, what do you want?
Do i feel like I'm the one that's made for this valentine? One that has taken my heart so abruptly? One who makes you feel like you're top of the world? or you feel like, from your own perspective, a perplexed little dude that just wants whatever he wants, when he wants and with whoever he wants? A young little boy with thoughts of corrupting a man's thoughts on love even further?
yay! say hello to my new crumpler :) a tad big, but i'll get used to it. time to join the crumpler capers. haha. but yeah, i've been eye-ing this beauty for like 2 months? from paragon, to wheelock and finally Garage @ Heeren.
something tells me i've fallen in love with haversacks over again. SIGH NOSTALGIA. yeap, that's chrystal's and i may wanna buy a cheap one, love the feeling of the low straps and the bag hitting my butt whenever i walk. haa. cheap fetish but stilllll..
dance practice, yeap, we're having an upcoming performance soon. so yeah, will keep ya guys updated!
(LtoR: Clement, Me on floor, Ben, Celine Laoshi, Hanafi, Charlene, Yanting, Jasmine, Matt all 4 on floor, behind Fabian & Theng)
friends proved to be a great remedy from the gosh-darn awful confusion and pain in the heart, they're always a source of strength for me, be it from any company i've had since young.
after working yesterday, met up with Alaric to watch Blood & Chocolate. which is a WASTE OF TIME. zomg. it felt like a B+ movie that was trying to milk from the Underworld series (which there wasn't much to milk from anyway, c'mon ppl it wasn't thaaaat popular). Its cinematography wasn't all that bad, with alot of roving camera movements and saturated colours. However, it's EDITING WAS EFFING ZOMG BAD, as bad as a year 1 location production edit. lotsa jump cuts, non-synched clips. I counted nearly 10 jump cuts throughout and they were pretty obvious.
The fight scenes weren't that bad, got us squirming in our seats fer quite a bit, and you know what was the most unglam thing? 3 guys looked like olivier martinez and we had to guess who was who until olivier spoke with a italian/french(?) accent.
but oh wells, we sacrificed music and lyrics for another day, so whoever asked to watch it, you guys better watch next weekday night okay! *waves fist*
----
on a totally different note, no more songs at the moment to emote the heart, just silence and grief for all past lovers around.
you're right, maybe we've been too kind. the only reason why we're so gracious towards them was coz we felt like we lacked their commitment and passion.
on the other side of the scale, maybe it's coz we actually have other commitments prior to this, and we really needed to split focus in order to keep everyone happy.
It's pretty ironic when we're trying to create peace between all camps and it turns out to blow back at our faces.
tsk. but never mind, i'm a full-fledged believer in karma. maybe i've done bad things to get this, but hey, what goes around comes around. so i'm awaiting with a glee on my face.
we exercised kindness, expecting you guys would do the same, but then again, who are we to know who you guys are? maybe all we possessed were facades that braced us through the period.
Maybe inputs were different, but hey, we pulled through. we made it our own, but then again, it boils down to say that our focuses were different, our motivations to our actions were different.
and maybe some of us have other commitments that we just can't (and won't want to) get out of.
don't give us the crap on being professional and true-blue, a zookeeper doesn't have dinner with his child elephants, watch TV with the giraffe and humps with the polar bear in the glass tank, there's a humane side of everything and that's outside of work. Isn't there always a balance?
Maybe i don't see the balance well enough, and maybe you guys are being so professional and true blue about it coz you guys get things done. maybe, and i applaude you all.
Maybe i'm just ranting coz you guys disappointed and failed me. and you didn't even speak out prior to the window period.
Maybe i'm just disappointed at myself for raising my level of expectation of you guys higher.
Afterall, what you say may not necessarily be what you get.
Truly greater men agree that dishes would not be judged purely by its presentation but by its taste, quality and the lingering aftertaste.
What kinda dish would I be then? Could I be a smelly tofu? My distinct (or frankly pungent) smell would be whiffed from faraway and only courageous souls would dare to take a bite at my tofus. (pun purely unintended)
Or could I be a Ba Kwa? A perfectly or usually overgrilled piece of barbequed pork meat that has been placed over a fire for a long time, bearing the overheating sensation of roasted, and left with squared marks all over, scars to remind myself of the pain and tribulation I’ve been through, but when the taster’s teeth bite into my tender meats, the sweet lingering taste leaves much to be desired and my darkened looks are definitely excused.
How about an apple pie? Baked in a comfortable white-washed suburban household by a (psychobitch) mother (read: Bree Van DeKamp) whose locks are almost too perfectly arranged. Made by finest ingredients, handmade with love(?) and much precariousness. Made for the affluent, by the affluent. 100% homemade literally and its chunks of apple pie shows its resilience with the sauce that spills out after every fork thrust into its crust. A food that is crispy and tough on the outside, but inside it’s all warm, wet and moist. (again, pun purely unintended)
Maybe, I’m just a fruit, a wholesome natural goodness, that hasn’t gone through any heat, grinding or cooking, just hanging on the tree, going through the natural process of time till I fall to the ground, with much to be said about my destiny. Could I be neglected and left to decomposed as nutrients onto the ground? Could I be picked up by farmers and made into something more than I could ever imagined I could be? Could I be eaten by wild animals? By not going through the turmoil that other apples have done, could I have been of a better quality food than the others?
Or I’m just … a myriad. A rojak, in local jargon. I’m a mix of everything, from roasted tau poks full of crunch and chewyness, pineapple for that extra zing and soury bite, peanut sauce to slather and sweeten, fruits to have that crunch, and beansprouts for colour and texture contrasts.
I guess I’d love to be a rojak then. I wanna be your ultimate happiness. The decadent delicacy you have been craving for. The problem is, can you look past your previous similar bad food experiences and attempt to taste what others couldn’t bring to the table but I could?
Rarely did people ever say they developed a taste for veggies since young on first taste, surely there was a routine force feeding by the overdomineering lords (read: parents), but then again, you begin to look beyond the initial disgusting taste and colour (ugh: green on my plate) and understand the nutritional benefits. Vitamins! Height! Clearer Eyes! Better Skin! NO MORE CONSTIPATION!!!!
But I don’t blame you, prevous dishes must have left such a bad case of diarrhea that there could be a vow never to go there. But whenever the entrée is made by the maitre’d, don’t ever regret the soup of the day, cause you won’t know when it’ll ever be made available again.
Jennifer Holiday's "And i'm telling you i'm not going" sung by Bianca Ryan, some little female powerhouse girl. zomg. link is here
And I am telling you I'm not going.
You're the best man I'll ever know.
There's no way I can ever go
We're part of the same place.
We're part of the same time.
We both share the same blood.
We both have the same mind.
And time and time we have so much to share
No, no, no, no, no, no,
I'm not wakin' up tomorrow mornin', Ha Ha
And findin' that there's nobody there.
Darling, there's no way
No, no, no, no way I'm livin' without you.
I'm not livin' without you.
I don't wanna be free.
I'm stayin', I'm stayin'
And you, and you, and you
You're gonna love me.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
You're gonna love me
Love me, Love me, Love me.
Yes you are
----
speaks volumes eh? totally how i feel right now. hope he sees this.
there's no justification to whom i choose to share with. sometimes, people are best left alone for the time being.
are people that rigid enough not to understand that? whatever happened to being so understanding, has over-possession taken over us mere mortals to become high-maintanence greek gods of yesteryear?
emotional blackmail is always a turmoil in relationships, then why do i seem to receive it at the drop of the pin? seems as though i'm constantly tortured through these words and mind games.
maybe it's time to swear off love ... again.
i'm gonna be emo for the next few days. heads up people. don't ask don't tell just leave me alone.
woo! i'm featured on Daryl's Cleo EB blog.
"issac's taking the pic. missing. "
okay, i'm not exactly featured, but it's nice to know i'm mentioned in there. haha. still vote for him people! the links on the previous entry.
Lunch at a nostalgic quaint little chinese eatery with Alaric at Lucky Plaza was what i needed for the start of the week, well almost start. Considering Monday was a moody nonsensical me trying to get over St James, i could always count on a bowl of palatable yun tun mian to perk up my otherwise monotonous tuesdays. Coupled with a glass of homemade barley and great company, it's almost feels like a temporary paradise from all the routine-like rat races that we're always busy with.
Followed by a quick bus down to Bras Brasah and boy was it a book-crazy season, what with examination papers being sold at such manageable prices for all the overily-anxious parents with their potential-A-scorer students. As well as $1 books and the like.
Whatever happened to childlike innocence? Has that diminished along with age? Have we all become skeptical old fools, or have we all just become mature pragmatic reality-check givers?
We were told to "go ahead son, give it a shot" when it came to things that were new to us, whatever happened to that? now when we take risks, it's like "go ahead, but beware of the consequences".
Maybe i'm taking it purely out of context, but haven't MOST of us become neurotic freaks? Maybe age is always the factor.
Love was always about the puppy-ness ("oh look, little Glenda's got the case of the puppy love with little Benjamin"). The innocence, the demure look on a female, the sunshine smile on the lil' boy. Instead, now, all grown up, we're limited by so many factors on love: distance, age, sexuality. We can't even make a relationship work without saying "okay, so is there a alimony? how financially steady are you? Are you with child? Are you down with hepatitis?"
Perhaps these restrictions and practicality truly guards us from risking our all for what we desire. a necessary evil, i dare say. Afterall, the fire is truly bright and warm, but when in contact, it burns and stings.
*
On a much less waxing-lyrical note, please vote for fellow CCWA Dragonboater DARYL PAN for Cleo's Top 50 Bachelor Award! :) link is here Go DARYL! CCWA SUPPORTS YA :D
Is life really like a runway? the initial entrance onto the long straight catwalk. the first glances people throw at you, whilst they scrutinise your every move and muscle. They notice what you wear i.e your abilities and talents, what you're born with (body) and what you're clothed with (developed talents) You can't turn back now, you've been pushed onstage by the very-punctual stage manager.
Is life really like a runway? as you trot down the plateau that overlooks the viewers on your left and right. you're strutting your stuff, every leg movement wary of the criticism that falls on your left and right. at the corner of your eyes, gossips and comments on your every action is being rapidly dispersed. This is your time to shine, quick! no time for adjustments, all you need to do is make it through this time of movement and then, pizzazz at the end.
You pass by another person who has just finished his pose (yours is coming up next) and he has a brief eye contact. He notices you but probably doesn't care coz his climax is over. You still walk straight ahead. without. any. panic. if you did, you'd probably come crashing from your stilettos and that's not what life/fashion is about.
is life really like a runway? you're approaching the all important podium end, where you give your best. your BEST pose, your BEST poise, your BEST facial expression, your BEST impression of the clothes you are adorned with, the BEST body angle. Immediately, people are wowed by the positive attributes you have exhibited. strobe lights are flashing, the frantic clicking of DSLRs can be heard. the nods on the faces of the viewers and the smug look on the clothes designer makes it all worth it. you've done justice to his creation. All negative outlooks on your performance disperses just like the artifical wind that's blowing into your hair.
Is life really like a runway? you get one shot. only that, the make or break. any second chances? nope. any way to adjust your hair on the runway? nope, that'd be break and not make. any chance of making small talk on the runway? nope, it's every man for himself. is there any possibility of imperfection? nope.
life's like that.
now quick,
profile,
your podium shot is up next.
after all i did, lukewarm.
fools in love can never get what they want, while they folly and jest around the deception that is ridicule and calamity.
what i need now is maturity, likewise.
never have i expected to fall hard, but when the chips are down, only look ahead for a better solution.
*
St James.
It's getting really all too familiar and it's almost routine like to do the P.R talk on identifying faces with the good old ritual of the "P.R Kiss of Death". The music has still been a myriad of old favourites from Beyonce, Kelly, Mariah and house favourites.
Although, their decor and set design for the night constantly changes throughout the weeks, showing more bold expressions and unconventional designs and patterns, ranging from a replica of the Suntec Ring of Wealth Fountain, to the descending moving light panels, to backup dancers gyrating at the top of the hall, certainly their creativity amazes me.
Alaric & I were gamingly being such judges of one's dance movement, and wardrobe choice. it was almost like the red carpet at the oscars, what with poise and clothing selection emphasized. From the "hairy chests" to the "chou-mometer" ('at the VIP section, should have a CHOU-mometer! for all those unglam and chui people!') and also to the "chicken wing dancer", the night was young and indeed brimming full of unsuspecting victims to our idle chatter that quickly dissipated when familiar tunes were churned out from korkor George.
My gorgeous galpal was also there with me, with much subdued expressions mainly throughout the night, afterall, shit happens. but LOVE, i'm here fer ya babe.
a thousand apologies to those who felt my nonchalance nearer the end of the night, sometimes when i think too much and materialise thoughts that aren't even remotely possible, there's a tendency for me to wander off into my little hiding place in the cranium.
now for some pictures!
the affable girlfriend and i.
Mandy, fellow Rabbitch Alaric & I (note the flushness in our faces, partially due to intoxication, partially due to the Kallang Sun)
the martyr i am decided to jut my head out a bit more to let Alaric & Jeremy's head look smaller. i am SO nice. but either way, sexy pose. w00t.
a familiar friend eh? Me, Gorgeous & Zaza who was 3 fucking hours late!
awesome lights, taken by Mandy Gorgeous Virtuous Soh
*
what am i so sad about?
the thing that can cause a thousand ships to depart.
the thing that can make a life-altering decision.
the thing that causes people to do stupid things.
the thing that blinds reality and practicality.
the thing that bonds peoples hearts together.
the thing that makes your heart palpitate faster.
the thing that spices up commitment.
the thing that crushes doubt and fear.
or maybe i'm just being too much of an emo-nemo perhaps.
let's forget whatever has happened and start afresh. not just new beginnings, but fresh beginnings.
Isn't it high time someone got negative about negativity?
sometimes it's just great to let the dust settle over the wavering dust of gusts of emotions and infatuation. It may be frustrating and overly anxious to jump, but sometimes, it's clarity comes out in its most unorthodox methods.
A1 - One More Try
Could be your eyes
Could be your smile
Could be the way you freed my mind
Your precious touch, caressed my soul
You gave me everything i need
and now i'm lost
lost forever
lost forever
you said, this is going no where girl
you said, i turned my back on
you said, i'm not the only one for you
Please give one more try for the sake of our love
Please give me one more chance coz i cant' give you up
I can't live one more day without you in my arms
I can never find another like you
Could be the lies
Could be my pride
Could be the days and nights so wild
Could be the times i wasn't there
and all the nights we didn't share
and now i'm lost
Lost forever
Lost forever
you said, this is going nowhere girl
and you said, i turned my back on
you said, i'm not the only one for you
Please give me one more try for the sake of our love
Please give me one more chance coz i can't give you up
I can't live one more day without you in my arms
I can never find another like you
I can't sleep ( can't sleep), I can't live without you by my side
So cold (so cold), so lost without you as my guide
You made me realise i am Nothing,
Nothing without you..
Please give me one more try for the sake of our love
Please give me one more chance coz i can't give you up
I can't live one more day without you in my arms
I can never find another like you
one more try, oooo one more try.
Baby give me one more try
*
say hello to the first song on the repertoire list. an audio clip soon maybe :)
ps: active arrogance at work! any problem?
wanting to blog out a complex post, but seeing that it's nearly 3 in the friggin morning and just got back from dance practice & managerial consultation, i'll just do something bimbotic like a recap of the day.
The event that most probably stuck out for the whole day was gorgeous's run in with some podatrician at Centrepoint Cold Storage. As she was wearing some very ugly looking shoes that flared at the sides, it made her look like she had a flat foot. And while we were queueing at the counter, this farang in front of us kept on staring at her foot. Just as he finished paying, the conversation went like this
FARANG: u've got flat feet.
MANDY: excuse me?
FARANG: you'd better do somethinga bout your flat feet. You could be taller
MANDY: *looks at feet* i don't have flat feet, it's just these shoes
FARANG: You'd better see a podatrician(?) for that
MANDY: how would you know i need to see a podatrician(?) ?
FARANG: i am a podatrician *insert smug kiampa smile*
CHEEESE PIE. i swore, after he gave that smug smile and the i-told-you-so face, i nearly wanted to go over there and give him a good yellow slap in the face. LYCHEE PIE. zomg. and poor mandy was so miffed about it. SHIT-TAKE MUSHBOOOOMS!
MANDY: *speechless with flying dagger eyes*
ISAAC: well, thanks so much for your concern..
FARANG: no problem!
ISAAC: *mutters under breath* ...bonafide asshole.
and poor me had to listen to gorgeous rant and reason on why she does NOT have flat feet but rather it really IS the shoe! (which PS: gorgeous, i know you don't have :D)
Pardon this dietary outburst, but i'm starting to like Yong Tau Foo Soup alot. There goes my oily greasy indulgences. say hello to soupy sweet tofu heaven.
DREAMS.
the best place to imagine doing something big can be at the most mundane of all places, queueing up for the lottery ticket, doing your dump in the WC, taking the public train and to more unconventional situations, working at the heeren on a friday morning with no frigging people coming up to the 5th level.
A dream can never happen until you do something about making it come to past. I know you're saying "PREACH IT BROTHER" but hell, this isn't just all about God anyway. Dreams can be made available to anyone, agnostics included. The courage to dream big always has its repercussions. I'm pretty sure the age-old typical movie was some elder or higher authority dissing the wannabe youngling that he/she'll never make it, telling her to stfu and get back to her mundane chores.
Those who dream, would have to take risks, would have to put themselves out into a situation they'd never thought they'd be at. The initial rejections and critiques that might make the biggest giant shrivell into a wimply leprechaun. The need to guard themselves on who should speak into the lives are absolutely essential. Who says what to you needs to be filtered with sense and motivation. Out of spite? Out of jealousy, envy?
How are dreams formed? it's by interest really, suppose, you love playing good ol' soccer, and you develop a passion in scoring goals and covering your jewels during the offside kick (or whatever) . Eventually, if that becomes your highest priority, chances are, nothing's going to stop you from achieving a well-known status kicking a black-and-white spotted ball. And also, to the people who believe in God, it could be given from the Almighty, from a prophet, or to the more bizarre cult cases, a jar of jumping mexican beans or a Donna Summers Poster.
Another way that dreams are formed (though not as popular as the previous stanza) is by influence and self-motivation. Trust me, to my knowledge, i feel that many people in the world don't know what they want and eventually end up getting influenced and sharing a common dream with others. This isn't necessarily wrong nor is it right. To an extent do people actually realise down the road their motivation for sharing a dream with others, was it due to the fear of rejection from the majority? the lack of creativity and innovation from self to think of his/her own dream? It could also be right coz a common goal would instil a sense of bonding and build an affinity between two people, that might lead to an eventual romance, or just a very close knit friendship. So it isn't that bad as well. NOTE: a person can be influenced by his peers and situation as much, but it's up to his own strength and willingness would he even start to form and materialise his dream.
Much as there are dreamers, there are always a few bad apples within the bushel. Dream crushers are a group of people who will be adamant in extinguishing a flame of hope and faith. Some say they're emotionally unavailable to feel for people, some say they're giving them the gosh darn reality check a little too late. Whichever the case, they are essentially needed in this life and time to balance out what seems to be a paradigm of existence and mind-boggling concoctions.
Again, Dreams are nothing till something is done about it. So why don't you, yes you, the one with a Ben&Jerry's Chubby Hubby Pint in your left hand, and your right hand in your pants watching Oprah on a lazy afternoon, do something about it! wanted that 6 pec? sign up to a mega gym. wanted to get a job? look up the classifieds and start exercising PR! wanted to get laid? erm, get a job and that 6 pec and we'll talk.
