i DO not want to be Chansey anymore!

Chansey becomes (ugh) Blissey

Clement brought his nephew's pokemon book after we started (due to pure boredom) labelling everyone pokemon [see the entry before "Are you Regular or Rainbow?"] and i began to see all 3 seasons of pokemon and to think that Chansey was a standalone without any evolutions, along came that even pinkier shit with extra accessories.

i so don't want to be pinkier.

i so don't want to have curly hair.

i so don't want to have a two-toned skin colour.

i so don't want to be hairy and have white angel flaps around me.

i so don't want to be a tranvestite pokemon.

i'm happy being chansey. WHY OH WHY MUST I EVOLVE. HAHA.

Blissey is a very caring and compassionate Pokémon. In fact, its fluffy coat of
fur is attuned to feelings of sadness, and when it senses a sad person, it will
rush over perhaps a great distance to that person and offer it an egg of
condolence. This delicious egg contains a special power of happiness, causing
any living thing to take even a bite of it to become unconditionally caring and
pleasant to anyone around for the time being. Blissey is equally compulsive in
caring for the ill; It will nurture any sick person or Pokémon it encounters
back to health with loving care, using the healing powers held in its egg in its
pouch as well.
Like Chansey, many Blissey work as nurses in Pokémon Centers.

- Ref: Blissey - Http://www.wikipedia.org

there, i've just cheered myself up :)

"eh, you Rainbow or Regular?"

now, after a thorough day of being bored stiff at The Cathay (yes, my laptop has officially crapped up due to hard disk failure and showing the all too often blue screen from hell. "your cpu has detected a problem ...") , I finally got to rest my all too weary (and achy) thighs and feet after the intensive boot camp.

Ever felt like you could meet up with a person all too often, and seem like you don't know the person at all? This is an all too familiar situation that most of us, wait, check that, ALL of us have been through. We may see that person everyday, be it in the workplace, school or common group gathering, but yet, know 2 hoots about the person's age, surname, or .. in some extreme cases, gender?

The need to open up is one thing, the need to be socially conscious is another. Brace yourself for another issue of musings, lyrical waxings, factual flotsam and .. information! *cue in dazzling lights*

To open up to a person is where you share your deep inner feelings, and when i mean that, i don't mean chowing on fallopian tubes or having your daily dosage of male protein, but rather, the exchange of opinion, the risk of letting others know your say on a delicate situation that might make or break friendship. That's the extreme, of course, more common examples are sharing (ranting) problems of relationships and social issues that are considered taboo if spoken to acquaintences. It may seem hard at first, but what might just be a problem solver to you, could be an opportunity for the other party to see you at your more vulnerable state and perhaps shine a light into your mentality that a potential friend could be at sight.

To be socially conscious does not need much sharing, it's rather being aware of the situation and the person whom you're communicating with. The need to realise the persons demography (race, gender, orientation, employment) is crucially essential lest you create a social faux pas.

Such an example is the mistake of metrosexuality as homosexuality and being anal about looks (pardon the pun), some men would really prim themselves out for a simple trip down to the wet market. They would buff their nails, ensure every follicle on their cleanly wiped head is down to it's strategic symmetrical formation. Their bags would be the non ruffly red plastic bags but rather, an ESPRIT bag at the most. Toting it on their shoulders whilst their LV handphone strap peeks out nicely.

Now, in a dinner party, the metro briefly explains his wash-by-the-numbers guide to great skin by showing that illustration mentioned above, and the typical unethical socially deprived unaninmous moron [TUS-DUM] (yes, that's you if you feel so) would probably have a conversation with the Metro that might something like this.

Metro: ... so that's how i usually go out for some saturday breakfast at the local wet market la.
TUS-DUM: orh, so you must do all that before you go out har? so mah fan
Metro: it may seem a bit frustrating to ensure proper hygiene and maintanence before going out, even if its to do mundane things such as a meal
TUS-DUM: har, u don't tink it's damn STUPID can? it's like, sian loh, must even change market bag to ESPRIT bag, very act-atas can?
Metro: well, a person should always try to have a level of ...
TUS-DUM: also har, why you wear tote? you gay meh? your wife know or not?
Metro: my wife is very well loved by me and i would have you know that i am heterosexual and i do not fancy man in any ..
TUS-DUM: really meh? sure orh not? ask you har. You Rainbow or Regular?
Metro: i'm sorry?
TUS-DUM: Rainbow or Regular. thought you gay one u should know?
Metro: i don't and i'm not gay by the way.
TUS-DUM: aiya, Rainbow is like Brokeback mountain loh, go fishing with 2 rods instead of one. Regular is Tammy lar.

and of course through this conversation, many evidences show that TUS-DUM is definitely a man that lacks General Knowledge (i'm sure through many articles and means of information does the general public know that metrosexuality is USUALLY a hetero man being well groomed) and also, the lack of the basic background biography of Mr. "Metro". A little knowledge could go a long way, and save a hell lot of face.

This may not happen so much, but trust me, the biggest ignoramus could be sitting next to you, at your workplace who puts his pencils up his nose, or the noisy uni mate that makes sexual noises when he pees.

Watch it, or you may get TUS-DUM-ed!

CJSOPA : Pokemon Version (apparently)

*DISCLAIMER : CJSOPA does NOT have an unhealthy obsession with Pokemon and any of its logos and affiliated intellectual properties. It has been due to pure insanity from being overworked that we have decided to label ourselves pokemon and its guardians.

CJSOPA - Celine Jessandra School of Performing Arts is currently run by 2 beeeeyootiful ladies, Celine or "Laoshi". whom is also known as Nurse Joy for being the motherly one.

and Catherine, whom is in charge of marketing and administrative matters, who is also the strict discplinarian, plays Officer Jenny

Ben plays Psyduck.

Hanafie plays Snorlax

Matthew Liu plays Diglett

Jasmine Tye plays Clefairy
Charlene Chen plays Charmander
Clement Chen plays Bulbasaur
Charlotte Robyn Huang Yanting plays Butterfree
and who else is deemed to fit the affable role of the pink lovable crap Chansey? ME!

BOOT CAMP! and the all important lesson of Humility

after experiencing the life of an artiste through the CJSOPA camp yesterday and today, i guess i have pretty much tasted the life of a struggling artiste. The gruelling physical trainings, the vocal trainings and stressful choreographed dance steps and it's deadlines. The need to express yourself through vocal registers, expression, tone, dynamic. The concerts, counselling sessions, trainings, roleplaying activities, discipleship (in a sense) dance and vocal lessons all cultivated in the 6 (2 couldn't make it) artistes core principle values such as generosity, understanding, consideration and maturity.

But most importantly, it's about staying HUMBLE.

HUMILITY. everyone needs to be brought down to the ground from their floating invisible thrones in their head. Since when have we ever always thought we're meek and gentle? no way jose, i'm pretty sure everyone has ever felt like the most arrogant dumbass know-it-all sonofagun at one point or another. They are so happy to trample on those that are slower by nature, or those that are handicapped, or not as talented as them, and proceed to rub up their snobbish noses high up in the air, and cast a patronising look at them, thinking of them no higher than a piece of nian gao that has dropped behind your cupboard for more than a decade.

Just how is one arrogant? In my personal opinion, arrogance can come across many forms, such as passive arrogance and active arrogance. To a sense, it's definition is determined by the mode it has been communicated or perceived by other people. As are many mediums currently available in such a vast techno-age, arrogance has certainly a dominant foothold of information transfer in this age today.

Passive Arrogance is perceived as one that is subtle yet crying out for the need for attention, or worst, intention to offend a person. Such an example is of course, the use of the internet. Just how many subtle messages can one send over blogs, emails, Msn nicknames, Instant Messenging Services? Are all these but channels of communicating information as well as the giving the ample opportunity for slander, malice, ill will? It's really quite easy to identify with someone having the penchant of Passive Arrogance, such as constantly reverting any conversation back to "I wish.. I did... I am.. I have". The letter 'I' is always lingering around every other sentence made. The constant need for attention can also be perceived as passive arrogance, the need to make people realise that you're currently nursing a flu, walking your neighbour's dog, passing your driving exam with flying colours etc..

I'm not against the idea of letting people know the updates of your life through brief anecdotes and thesis statements per se, just that there should be a level of moderation and balance in how you present yourself. The need for attention is a sure-fire sign of insecurity and immaturity. Just like a baby in a cradle. Only when it gets fed or rocked to sleep does it finally settle down.

Active Arrogance is totally in your face, and it usually happens when someone relays a message of self-glorification or unconstructive criticism or just words of pure ill will through 2 or more senses. Like, in real life, sight and sound, or to more hum sup / lecherous people, touch too. However, over the internet, sure fire signs of active arrogance is again, just in your face sentences that clearly show.

Again, I re-iterate time and time again, these are all my own self-fabricated philosophies, I seek not agreement in what i say, but leave be if this is how i perceive. and also, to the people who have a lot of issues to settle and think too much for their own good, if you think that this post has been reverted to you, kindly approach me for some clarification, coz boy, i just wrote this out of pure by-the-moment periods. Don't give me talk on how i may have the possibility to contradict myself in any of my previous, current or future posts, coz this isn't a thesis or final term paper that i'm banking scholarship funds and crap like that. This is just mental masturbation, as Li-lin once said. :)

PS: I may be guilty of Arrogance at one point in my life or another, we all can make the effort to change, so instead of flaming people on tagboards, take everything in your stride and learn to leave your fucking name on the tagboards so as not to show passive arrogance. haha. okay, not funny but hell.

a sudden realisation (too little too late)

maybe everything i hear should be taken with a pinch of salt.

afterall, there are 2 sides of a coin.

Thanks to JORDUSLIMBINGJIE, the first meme of 2007

HOW MANY KEYS ARE ON YOUR KEYCHAIN?
4! 3-coloured house keys and the work place key

WHAT CURSE WORD DO YOU USE THE MOST?
nau hia (though it's such a angmoh slang for ni na hia or whatever)

WHAT TIME IS YOUR ALARM CLOCK SET FOR?
0700 - PT at Toa Payoh Stadium early in the morning tml!

DO YOU WEAR FLIPFLOPS EVEN WHEN IT’S COLD OUTSIDE?
yes. i love my havi-nanas.

WHERE DO YOU BUY YOUR GROCERIES FROM?
the Matriach does it, but usually at Tiong Bahru's ghetto market or the highly atas Great World City Cold Storage.

WOULD YOU RATHER TAKE THE PICTURE OR BE IN THE PICTURE?
you say leh?

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
"Another Gay Movie" - see Jules's blog for review.

IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, WHAT ARE THE FIRST THINGS YOU WOULD BUY?
a super effing rich condo in town, DKNY, Ed Hardy, and other atas clothing.

HAS ANYONE EVER CALLED YOU LAZY?
have they ever. lol. the Matriach especially.

DID YOU EVER TAKE MEDICATION TO HELP YOU FALL ASLEEP FASTER?
try not to.. that panadol cold looks tempting.

DO YOU PREFER REGULAR MILK OR CHOCOLATE MILK?
Regular! i am so vanillaaa.

HAS ANYONE TOLD YOU A SECRET THIS WEEK?
mmmm.. depends on the level of secrecy, plus, if i told u, i'd have to kill you.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER?
nothing actually, busy with camp, though we had some swiss rolls at 4pm.

DO YOU WEAR HOODIES OFTEN?
no fats needed to cover and i find hoodies rather poseur.

CAN YOU WHISTLE?
yes yes, the whistle song.

HAVE YOU EVER PARTICIPATED IN A PROTEST?
nope. petition in secondary school? always.

THE LAST RESTAURANT YOU ATE AT?
in Thailand, Wang Sai Chinese-Thai Resteraunt.

WHAT DID YOU DO YESTERDAY / WHERE WERE YOU?
Yesterday was at CJSOPA for vocal trainings and practices.

DID YOU WATCH CARTOONS AS A CHILD?
OMG, Ultraman, Power Rangers (all), Big Bad Beetle Borgs, Care Bears, Masked Riders, Digimon, Pokemon!

HOW MANY SIBLINGS DO YOU HAVE?
Sean Chan Zhi Ming aged 24 currently residing in Adelaide, Australia.

ARE YOU SHY AROUND THE OPPOSITE SEX?
hell no.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST REGRET?
O levels, Putting myself out for love, being used as an object of physical affection?

WHEN WAS THE TIME YOU LAUGHED SO HARD YOUR SIDES HURT?
Yesterday night, telling stupid lame jokes with Clement, Hanafi & Yanting

WHAT MOVIE DO YOU KNOW EVERY LINE TO?
Mean Girls prolly.

DO YOU OWN ANY BAND TEES?
Band? mmmm, nah, not much of a guitar slinging junkie.

HOW MANY CHAIRS ARE AT YOUR DINING ROOM TABLE?
8

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SALAD DRESSING?
Thousand Island, Honey Mustard.

DO YOU READ FOR FUN?
Not much though, a rare find.

CAN YOU SPEAK ANY LANGUAGE OTHER THAN ENGLISH?
English, Mandarin, Catonese and a lil of Thai :D :D

DO YOU DO YOUR OWN DISHES?
wash? no. cook? hardly.

WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR ROOM PAINTED?
White. but really faded.

HAVE YOU EVER CRIED IN PUBLIC?
Who hasn't!?

ARE YOU USING A DESKTOP OR LAPTOP?
Desktop. stupid 3 year old lagging Dell.

WHICH DO YOU MAKE: WISHES OR PLANS?
Plans.

ARE YOU ALWAYS TRYING TO LEARN NEW THINGS?
Once in a while.

ARE YOU CURRENTLY WANTING ANY PIERCINGS OR TATTOOS?
I don't mind a chinese character on my back.

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THE GUY SHOULD PAY ON A FIRST DATE?
hell yes.

WHO WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TEACHER?
Ms Armstrong from ELDDS.

HAVE YOU EVER DATED SOMEONE OUT OF YOUR RACE?
totally.

WHAT IS THE WEATHER LIKE NOW?
semi humid.

WOULD YOU EVER DATE SOMEONE COVERED IN TATTOOS?
yes. my first partner (for 3 days) was covered and also had a prison tracking tag. how law abiding am i? :)

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE CLASS BACK IN WHERE YOU USED TO STUDY?
prolly 3G in GESS? juanjuan, fenghui, shion, timothy goh, jeremiah low, rizwan, ridwan, yuzhuang .. man i could go on.

WHAT PERSONALITY TRAITS ARE A MUST-HAVE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Understanding

HAVE YOU BEEN ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE PHYSICALLY UNATTRACTIVE?
yes, many fuggly ones. (okay weiming and mandy can so vouch on this)

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SLEPT ON THE FLOOR?
mmmm.. the night before.. you left.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Bacardi Breezers. omg how underaged beng am i? well, aside from that, not much though. i'm okay with whatever comes, as long as it's sweet.

DOES YOUR CLOSEST STARBUCKS HAVE A DRIVE-THRU?
none in Singapore.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIVING ARRANGEMENT?
Location wise, hell yeah, orchard road baby. but interiors need some work.

HOW MANY HOURS OF SLEEP DO YOU NEED TO FUNCTION?
6-7

DO YOU EAT BREAKFAST DAILY?
if i'm not late for an appointment that is.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING THAT SCARED YOU?
the earthquake tremors and to check if the Matriach was alright

ARE YOUR DAYS FULL AND FAST-PACED?
nowadays, yes.

DID YOU EVER GET IN TROUBLE FOR TALKING IN CLASS?
hurhur, who hasn't?

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FRUIT?
Pomelos and Mangos.

WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING RIGHT NOW?
Soon to watch Youtube to get inspiration for tml's performances.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS?
Idealistically speaking, no.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON TO PISS YOU OFF?
Diplomatically speaking, no comment.

DOES YOUR CRUSH HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?
yes.

DO YOU GET ALONG BETTER WITH THE SAME OR OPPOSITE SEX?
actually nowadays, both! great.. :DD

WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR YOUR FIRST HALLOWEEN?
I dressed like my mirror reflection. i know, i so need to get a life.

WHERE DO YOU WORK?
Tanjong Pagar, Town and Katong

DO YOU LIKE MUSTARD?
spicy!!

WHAT DO YOU TELL YOURSELF WHEN TIMES GET HARD?
Press On, "if its bitter in the start, then its sweeter in the end"

WOULD YOU EVER SKYDIVE?
i skared the parachute .. -whines-

DO YOU SLEEP ON YOUR SIDE, TUMMY, OR BACK?
usually side, u know, accessible. if you know what i mean -wink wink-

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ANGELINA JOLIE BEING PREGNANT?
her baby's lips would have a hard time getting out of her vagina.

DO YOU ENJOY GIVING HUGS?
hahaha. yes. physical touch. my love language.

WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE FASHIONABLE?
yes.

DO YOU OWN A DIGITAL CAMERA?
yup!

WHAT CELEBRITIES HAVE YOU BEEN COMPARED TO?
Some dude called Nathanial from Project Superstar. zomg.

DOES IT ANNOY YOU WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THEY’LL CALL YOU BUT THEY NEVER DO?
yes,worse. "let's have lunch soon yup!"

ARE YOU A VEGETARAN?
Nope. pass the ribs.

ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
erm. ask him.

WHAT’S YOUR OPINION ON SEX WITHOUT EMOTIONAL COMMITMENT?
as much as we all have our physical temptations, making love is very much better. and to quote someone, making love lasts hours.

IF YOU WERE BORN AS THE OPPOSITE SEX, WHAT WOULD YOUR NAME HAVE BEEN?
Jade Amelia Chan Ai Mei. LOL.

GET 5 PEOPLE TO DO THIS MEME!
Gorgeous Mandy, Fong Wei Li, Clement, Matt, Charlene.

I am...

The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed. Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections. Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

What's Your Personality Type?

Your World View

You are a fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably content. You value kindness and try to live by your ideals. You have strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material. You respect truth and are flexible. You like people, and they can readily make friends with you. You are not very adventurous, but this does not bother you.

What Is Your World View?

deadly accurate for both. how scary is that? maybe there's some truth to these quizzes afterall.

Krabi Trip 2007

before we proceed to the regurgitation of Krabi Trip 2007, here is a quick fast forward to one of the 4island tour's 4 islands (duh) and my aunty vehemently convincing me that the oysters that are stuck to this wall here (yes those are live oysters) are edible and delectably sweet.

after chipping away the top more-fragile part of the shell, my aunty precariously takes out the jelly-like flesh on the inner portion...

and brings it near to the ocean water (not even bottled water) to rinse..

and voila! here ya go. now, no seasonings and panfrying. it just goes straight from the hand...

into the mouth. yum yum. Makes me feel like Timon & Puumba from The Lion King Series. total bugs.

Me and The loving Matriach onboard the boat on Krabi to the 4 Islands tour. Checkout those hippie 1970's circular glasses. very classssss.

that's me paddling with the cousin Matthew at one of the mangrove swamps in Ao Luak (Northern Krabi, further up from Ao Nang)

The Entourage: considering these aren't young swingin' singles, i needn't captionise them, but yes, the hot blooded young male wearing the hawt tank and red shorts with a red watch is oh-so-available. oh oh, so is my cousin, orange tee shirt, matthew!

this is a difference scene, this is apparently a PENIS statue. of Shiva, the Indian God. It's located in one of the 4 islands and it's supposed to bring good luck and fertility to whoever whom touches it. Now, on this gold Phallic Shaped Religious structure, there are small dildos (if i may non-sacrireligiously add) strung on top, also, there is a maroon red wooden phallic-shapped object on the table as well as other ahem, penis-shapped equipment behind the golden erected structure (pardon the very awful pun)

and as Nelly Furtado warbles: "flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?" the lovely but rapidly descending red sunset en route back to the hotel after a long day of outdoor activites.

**

Aside from the awesome green curry and seafood, the only thing that pissed me off in Krabi was the racial biasness. apparently the farangs are very well received, well known for their a-peel-ing burnt red skin, blond hair, heaving bosoms and a european dialect. Most Thais treat them better and often turn to us yellowheads in disgust, as though we're not worthy of good tourist hospitality.

sheesh. shan't comment more. and not much shopping either. it's not like i can't get a "SAME SAME BUT DIFFERENT" tee shirt at some queensway shopping centre.

Fireworks with retrospect

as my mum and i were driving the good ol' route that resides along the National Archives of Singapore & Bible house, that is Fort Canning Road, we heard crackling that rumbled the dark blue skies of sunday night.

"oh look! fireworks!' my mum exclaimed, promptly bringing the car to a halt.

"oh yippee!" i replied with much sarcasm

"i've never seen fireworks in such a long time!" as the fireworks crackled and blasted into it's circular dispersed patterns, "oh it's purple! potassium! and there's green, orange red, iron! copper! do you know that potassium is the most expensive of all chemicals to produce for fireworks"

my mum threw a big big smile across her face, with justification to her age-old experience with the wrinkles on her forehead. nevertheless, the most amazing smile you'd never expect her to have.

as the fireworks continue to light up the sky, her spectacles showed the reflection of the dazzling colours as her pearly whites glistened.

Though i always knew her as the staunch matriach of the family council, the iron-fist mother with a protective wing, or the mummy with the pampering attribute towards her offspring, this is a rare sight to see her, with a heart brimming full of tender youthfulness and glee.

I always take a step back to reflect where my relationships are going with people, and at this moment in time, i believe it's really a appointed timing to take a breather and truly appreciate the wonderful people who stick by you no matter what happens.

I love the mother :)

Kountdown to Krabi.

just as i'm typing this entry out, i realise that the stuff that's clattering my desk is nearly all red, talk about prosperity.

red water bottle, red bank advert card, red tissue box, red watch, red pencil, red watch, red EZ link card. sheesh.

*

just how much can love be gauged upon? is there ever a mental capacity on how much can one measure? perhaps we can never know just how much we will ever love a person.

"honey, i love you in a capacity of 350ml"
"that's so sweet! can we get married?"
"yes!"
"awww, now i love you 50cm more!"

I believe in loving people unconditionally. Maybe at some point, I would have been buying something for someone and EXPECTING something back, but after a few experiences, there has been a paradigm shift in my thinking.

If Love was to be measured and obligatory, it would have been a simple case of exchanging. Afterawhile, people need to know that to Love is to Sacrifice.

I love CJSOPA, i sacrifice my time and effort to make sure what they do is what we (not them only) want to achieve at the end of the day.

I love CCWA, i sacrifice my sunday mornings and my sweat to ensure victory is within sight for the team.

I love Gorgeous Mandy, i sacrifice my time and money on her, coz i know she's someone of value to me, someone who has gone through me thick and thin.

but when i give things, i never NEVER expect anything back. I don't wish to make it obligatory.

However, the same can't be said for me, if someone loves me and gives me something extravagant and costly, I would feel a sense of guilt or obligation on me. Why why why?

Funny how i practice what i don't preach.
A cryptic and subtle message i'm sending today, but perhaps, it's an outlet of grief, depression, sorrow and of utmost confusion.

*

on to reality and less of mental masturbation, the weather's been fucking up of recent and hesitations to arrive at Krabi with wet sand in between my toes and a still singlet tan-line existent body isn't exactly the welcome wagon i was hoping for.

Also, this time, i have made a shopping list to do. ta-daaaa, always trust the shoppaholic to have a shopping list of to-buy-for (a play on the term to-die-for) even at a remote beach resort in Tom-YamVille.

So it'll be 3 full days of beaching and boating around the Phi Phi Islands and the like. 3 full days of tanktops, berms, shorts, trunks and havini-nanas. It'll be a short retreat away from the hustle and bustle of technology, and the highest form of technology that i'll be able to access is HBO.

unless they have some internet 24hour kiosk there, which i'm (probably) so not touching.

besides, a 3day retreat would be sufficient enough for me to lie at the head of the boat and do some soul searching, just like my previous post, I am probably confused and some sun wouldn't hurt some mental therapy.

Though i'll be missing dance lessons on friday, DB training on saturday. mmmm. the good with the bad, happy with the sad.

so, krabi in. 3 hours time?

Overthinking gives me the humpty-dumpties.

i can't lie and say that it doesn't hurt.

but i'll be wise and keep quiet.

*

I really miss Hip Hop dancing, i really do! isolation, jerk movements and all about the groove and attitude *snaps fingers*. Aside from an all-rounded cardiovascular workout, the unglam-ness of banging into the chairs behind me or the wall next to me is laugh-worthy.

so Krabi in less than 24 hours time, I have not packed, I'm leaving with a baggage full of sorrows and a body that cries out to stay at home and work it out rather than going to an exotic place full of scrumptous food. sigh.

*

Can one man really make a difference in this world? okay, aside from Jesus please. We're talking about ordinary human beings here (and don't get me started on doctrines and whathaveyou about Jesus being a normal human being).

How much is your circle of influence? has there ever been a point of time where your words and actions would affect a person's outcome? I wondered if ever I would ever make a difference in this world, through abilities God-given, or creative products self-made.

As i was taking the MRT home, i pondered on the fact on Neil Armstrong, being the first man on the moon, or the maker of credit cards, or even Edison, who ever quoted "success is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration" and revolutionised the way we ever functioned our lives on creative thinking and zero labour.

I look at my savings account time and time again, to see how much am i worth. But then again, aren't we judged by our actions? However, no matter how much you value your money, it's gonna die away eventually. I'm not saying to be a spendthrift and be overly generous to your friends. That's props, i respect that.

However, i choose to believe (from now on) to invest in friends that are genuine, sincere and have a future with you. A future isnt' determined by the number of years you're gonna stay together as friends, but by one whom is interested in YOUR own destiny, YOUR welfare and YOUR eventual outcome in life.

Why did i leave some corporate groups? they were insincere, blatantly superficial and didn't give 2 fucking hoots when you're there or even after you left. Why did i stop aiding corporate funds? I felt that much to peer pressure was given, that the overall outcome of giving has simply become a robotic command.

*

Or maybe i just need a shrink (like Dick-ole Ritchie says), i'm confused and i have issues. Though he said it in jest, in reality i really do. I really am confusing, i'm simply a paradox that needs to be deciphered at best, by myself. It may take days, months or even years to simply unlock the inner me, but hey, who's counting the days?

I'm living for myself. I want to have a career and I'm currently working towards it. I want friends that stay and I'm slowly discerning it. I want to be fit and toned and I'm doing activities that would eventually achieve it. I want to learn to love my cherished friends and I'm slowly making conscious sacrifices to avail to their times of need.

I really think too much, I really do. But sometimes, i rather over think than do mundane stuff like idling. I feel that idling is pretty much not being forward looking and being a safety-net spotter.

Or maybe i think too much (of other things) so as to leave this chaotic disorder there is in my current moment. I can be so much of a pacifist that i refuse to acknowledge the problems that are ever so present in my life. It cost me a romance, It cost me a (near) corporate promotion, It cost me friendships, It cost me a diploma in Mass Comm.

Sometimes, i wish i was taller. Then i'd be able to do runway. The lights, the glamorosity, the money, the fashion labels, the all-eyes-on-you moment, the money, the high-life, the money. Afterall, looking like a tall greek god with a face of a horse would definitely give you a runway modelling contract right on your lap.

Sometimes, i wish i was more talented. Then i'd be able to warble down albums for beacoup bucks. Having my own concert with fans of crazy twit girls drawing up cutesy but disgustinly bad posters like "IsaAc RulEZx Moi WoRlDZ~ ISaAC I LuRBCh euUuUU~**" but obviously, they'd be too obsessed with how long my hair (would) be and decide to buy whatever shampoo i endorse on and constantly wash their locks all day.

Sometimes, i wish i stopped wishing and carpe the diem logically and face problems day after day.


afterall, i DID promise to keep quiet.

Songs from the heart

2 songs.. both stuck in my head for the past few days. and i really don't know which one to yield upon.


Danity Kane - Ride For You
(Youtube.com link here)

Lately, I've been trying to fight whatever's pulling us under
it's got a hold and really making me wonder
what it takes to get through
I gotta stick with you, my baby
Baby tell me?
Maybe I'm foolishly overreacting
But being without you I can't imagine
It's just to close to the heart and
And I won't stand it if were broken apart

Do you hear me?
Baby ya gotta believe in the things that make you & me win together
Don't you throw in the towel
I'm keeping my promise to you I got ya back now
When the chips are down
It seems like it's so hard for you to move ahead
Just know that I am by your side
There aint no ifs, buts, or maybes,
I'm gonna stay down and ride for you baby

We've been cutting it close with the backwards & forwards
It's rocking the boat; we gotta get control of this
Let's take it back to three years ago
When you said that we could make it through whatever, ever
And to me it sounded like you meant forever, ever
Leaving was not an option, baby, never, never
Now don't you believe in a love that's worth a fight
In you is everything that I'm missing
So give us a chance

Don't you dare tell me we gotta let it go?
We been on top for too long just to let it go under
I don't wanna hear that
I just can't hear that
and know
Wherever you wanna take me
I'll go
I been with you for too long to start over with another
I know that you hear me
Just tell me you hear me

Do you hear me?
Baby ya gotta believe in the things that make you & me win together
Don't you throw in the towel
I'm keeping my promise to you I got ya back now
When the chips are down
It seems like it's so hard for you to move ahead
Just know that I am by your side
There aint no ifs, buts, or maybes,
I'm gonna stay down and ride for you baby

and just when i thought i could have just stuck with a single-minded perspective...

Ne Yo - So Sick

(Youtube.com link here)

Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cuz right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
It's been months
And for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger then this
(enough is enough)
No more walkin round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Cryin over you

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
I'm letting go
Turning off the radio

Cuz I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishin you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Why can't I turn off the radio?

we have different issues.

since you left, i guess we'll never see eye to eye on any levels anymore.

Wax wax lyrical

it's absolutely uncanny that my 2 previous posts were both posted at 2:11am. talk about being super freaky.

working at InstantKarma could have been much better if it wasn't for some hard disk failure in my two-tonne IBM laptop that I regularly bring out for the Cathay branch shifts. tsk. Its pretty obvious that most computer companies would want their machines to go all haywire around the expiration date of the 3 year warranty.

the human emotion has been countlessly been written, discussed, debated and blogged about. One can never find it's all definite meaning on how does a person feel for another? human emotions to be exact.

Is there any mechanical process and method on how does one feel for a person? say, an extra pumping of blood into the heart that triggers a brain signal to say "i heartzx EuU DeePZx DEePZx" (well to most twits it does).

Feelings are so mouldable and interchangeable between human perceptions. why can't we all for once just get along so well? are we all meant to jump to stupid conclusions after every statement?

Oh why oh why did God create non-verbal communication? posture, gesture.
Oh why oh why did God create verbal communciation? tone, volume, accent.

Maybe just forget what i said, i think that all people should just act out what they really feel, no holds barred. Forget Decency, Ethics and morally upright behaviour. release your inhibitions, tell someone of the same sex how you really feel. tell your child that she/he was an accident. Tell your dean that you did drugs in the staff lounge.

Maybe bondage by the moral society has indeed made us neurotic freaks and hypocrites of us all. The world has changed, so have i, through passages of time and tribulation, have i gotten to know how cautious hermits have gone to evade change, how socialites have gone to making things (including their bodies) change and keeping up with the Jones'es.

What about me?

Sunday Morning After.

The morning started all bright and sunny without a hint of a downpour. well, CCWA Dragonboat training was almost that until the brief little exhibition trip to the Merlion's Spout drenched us a little, which was probably a prelude to the excruciatingly strong downpour that followed after right when we were parking the boat.

Aside from the usual back-and-forths around the river, we did some recreational (or at least to me) activities such as the see-saw. It's where both sides of the boat would sit on the gunrail and rock each other and the objective is to make your partner's ass get wet by the ocean. fun and of course some of us were screaming our lungs out as we were really in trepidation on the thought of making our partners do the slow-mo Baywatch and save us, though that thought would never materialise due to the trusty blue lifejackets strung tightly on us.

Just got back from St James Power Station, went to catch up with Dj George Leong after a month's hiatus from the usual sunday night hangout. He looks great as usual and always spins the staple diet of top 40s and house. awesome!

As i was sitting alone whilst William Kor and his friends were dancing, I began to ponder whilst drinking my mocktail Shirley Temple. How much my impression of clubbing has changed.

I used to think it was mandatory to club as a social activity, yet, sometimes, I feel so satisfied with my current situation that i don't need to get high in a club to have a fun time. I think a good programme at home, mahjong with 3 close buddies, beaching, sports would be just as much fun.

*

When i was younger, i used to want to be the perfectionist. The one who puts out fires everywhere i go, the problem solver, the constantly avilable counsellor. The one whom friends approach to for help, almost like a lifesaver.

Tonight, I realised i was far from perfect, and far from being a person who has the ability to handle his own problems, rather others. The paradigm shift of my mindset has changed drastically as i've aged and many things have happened, such as hearts being broken, my own broken heart, heretic friendships, spirituality etc..

I feel that i myself should learn to share less with people, I always feel burdened for them especially if its affects them even from the smaller-outer microscope. I feel i can be more hospitable to people around me, to make them feel comfortable. I don't want to ruin a good clubbing night by being wasted, or by being a party pooper. I want everyone around me to have a good time.

Call me a over-pleaser if you wish, but i was brought up on a set of values to always be generous to others around you and never ever be a burden to anyone. Though it has not manifested in such a transparent way through 19+years, i think it's time some things should change.

*

Where do broken hearts go?

*

I feel that i am heavily misunderstood, since when did a simple SMS made me feel like i'm pissed. Just because someone else i previously talked to was upset, and we know that person mutually, does not justify me being angry. It doesn't necessarily take two hands to clap.

maybe i'm thinking too much again.

*

I am really very much an amateur philosopher, i think too much and i don't earn money thinking that much. A fortune cookie once told me : "you'd feel much better when you realise that the people around you don't think about you all the time"

Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye is the only way out for you and me

stupid cheesy mixed UK band. sheesh. but i guess it speaks truth at times.

I'm heavily fatigued after a whole days worth of Dragonboating, Auditions, Bai-nianing and clubbing(?). Goodnight and Goodluck world.

The mind that never stops thinking

the only thing in this world that is constant is change

maybe i try too hard. maybe i'm just not the social butterfly i claim that i am. maybe i'm just doing this out of the peer pressure. maybe i'm just trying to prove that i can stand on my own two feet. maybe i'm just being forced into this mould that i am. maybe it's just me being someone i'm so not.

maybe i'm just friendly by nature. maybe i'm just a person whom people can pour out their feelings too. maybe i'm just a person who always very selfless. maybe i'm just someone with a good will. maybe i'm just slowly figuring out my natural personality. maybe i'm just a person who has a heart for other people. maybe i'm just hospitable. maybe it's just me being what i was made to function for.

are we all who we really say we are? Divine beings may exist, but how about the inner you, the you that knocks on your door of your heart, saying, "let me out, let me out now, i'm suffocating here"

throwing on facades would only lead to eventual disgrace when the veil is lifted, so why bother leaving on painted masks and feather boas to make your life seem like an eternal revelry?

maybe, it's for self-defense that we put up a wall of independency, not to let ourselves and our hopes get gashed down by a Thief of hearts and a Brigand of friendships. It's also to cope up with the insecurities we all feel at one point or another, be it in puberty, mid-life crisis and/or post-natum depressions.

i guess Life is truly a puzzle with one piece missing.

Eating Tiles

jealousy really tears people down eh?

so a little bird told me some malicious rumours regarding me and someone else i hold dear to. and apparently i'd have to say that the creator of all the things nasty and untrue said those statements out of pure jealousy and moronic-ness.

i shan't go on, but on a personal note, that person sleeping around and getting a contractable disease is certainly a very pre-early karma.

*

Aside from the itty bitty things that get me down, mahjong was on tonight with alaric, jayson, mabel, nic & Weiyin!

Aside from very bimbotic moment from yours truly...

("you know, last time when i started playing mahjong! I used to think that "dong" & "xi" was a Pai! [a set]")

... the time was pretty much a quieter event, not post mortem, but more of mutual understandings on our fatigue and low energy level due to the CCWA volunteering and what not. Much ado about the cuttlefish too! Apparently Pong-ing and Gong-ing gives all of us the munchies.

*

I feel very troubled, many things are happening inside the different activites, the politiks, the agendas, the propagandas, how i'd wish i was just five years old and i was learning how to take the training wheels of my bicycle in my little green garden. I try my best not to take sides as much as my emotions are raging.

Maybe we're all just human to quickly judge and be judged.

Macy Gray never sounded as good as me

insomnia's getting the better of me, with a very fabulous sexy drawl of phelgm and raspy-ness in my throat, i obviously attracted the stares of more than a handful of people as i waltzed down town with Debbie & Eunice.

I always cherish my church days where I was on fire, the days of passion and glory and gusto for Mr. J, but i feel that with all the politics and issues that goes on beyond the Almighty's commandments have given me so much of a lost in faith that I had to leave, I did not want to stay in the church doing things for the wrong motives, or under the wrong intentional pressure.

Having to meet up with dear pal Colin Chong & Kevin Koo was another good and practical day, it's hard to see how we've all grown up and moved on, and very blessed to know that though we have one thing less in common, we still are able to hang out. That's a very big blessing.

Now that the days of prancing to the west for school are finally over, i realised the amount of time I have for myself during the weekdays! So many things can be accomplished over a period of 5 X 24 hours!

gymming!
tanning!
swimming!
flea circus training!
tree sap tapping!
kumquat peeling!

and the list goes on, and of course, to top the list is of course to overcome the fear of sitting in the death seat, holding onto the devil's stick and pressing on the pedal that will accelerate my death rate.

yes i'm talking about the knowledge of driving a car.

I've always had a phobia about the highways and byways of the vehicular tubes. Aside from the occasional road hogs and speed demons, even the most gentle of all types (a indian grandma driving a Malaysian proton) may seem like Lucifer on Prozac in Disneyland on a bumper car. And of course, my brother and father have also had their speeding and negligence of signalling days (and i don't mean flipping the finger), but i guess it's time for me to of course go through this particular rite of manhood and attempt to handle the stick.

innuendo was totally intentional. :)

My minds in a whirlpool that has dead fish in it, oh oh and phelgm, I'd better hit the sack soon. Tomorrow's a big day, what with teaching piano in the morning, charity work in the afternoon, and mahjong with the gang at night.

*
oh oh, talking to derek now and apparently we're being certified nutcases.

Derek: i usually use euphemisms

Me: Euphemisms = ? sorry ar, i himbo. lol

Derek: oh yeah you himbohomo! I sound like a red indian *5 second pause*

himbohomohimbohomohimbohomohimbohomo. it's fun typing it!

Me: himbohomohimbohomohimbohomohimbohomo. OMG CHEAP THRILL. HAHA.

Happy New Year 2007

hello to all your inflitrates of the cyberworld, oh yes and you perverted discreet voyeurs too. You know who you are :)

welcome back to the 2007 blog and "humble" abode of ITCZY. To spare all formalities and ceremonies lest a bunch of you start waving fire torches and pitchforks, I shall just dive straight into the nitty-gritty details that all you groupies would love to talk about at the water-cooler/fountain/dispenser the very next day.

As all years, January paved the way for a world of opportunities, especially after letting go a commitment that shan't be explained in detail till a later period. Many doors of opportunites as well as friendships that has been formed and gelled so quickly, much to the grace of God in my life.

Aside from joining the CCWA Dragonboat team that has a practice session every sunday morning, I've also signed onto CJSOPA, which is Celine Jassandra's School of Performing Arts, which is started of course by Celine Laoshi herself. These two are currently the front runners in my priorities of 2007 and I do hope my oncoming endeavours would be in synch with these commitments of course.

School's finally over and as we close another chapter of my faaaaabulous life with much-needed confetti and champagne, the sense of NS has of course given me a bit o' the down in the dumps. Obviously one that has decided to change for the new year, I shall be more positive about issues in my life! hurrah!

The trip to Adelaide, Australia to see to it that my brother is nicely accomodated at his UniSA was obviously a time of great unsettlement. Many things needed to be done and a big kudos to The Matriach (read: MUM) for being so patient and understanding and accomodating to the big brother's needs. Whilst they were busy going to the newly opened IKEA near the Adelaide Airport, I was busy walking up and down Rundel Mall, trying on Vintage Tees (TO DIE FOR!!!) as well as green washed jeans. And i do have to say that the aussie cuts of the tees are much better fer me, it's less squarey and more round and straight cut. bah. you gotta try it to know it.

Many close confidantes would know that i've gotten to know Mr Fong Weili over the past 2 months over a much amused appointment, and yes, he is the one whom you can credit this current absolutely orgasmic blogskin for. Isn't he the best in design? cherrytastic i'll say. He's a great friend and special in my heart (He and Gorgeous Mandy are vying for numero uno), and though he'll be in Sydney for 6 months, it'll feel so much better when he gets back. afterall, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Speaking of Gorgeous, we are afterall, the evil karmic twins from hell and unfortunately, due to my jetsetting ways, i have not been able to fulfill my evil duties to incur the wraths of the Bosses in InstantKarma. Hanging around town with her and having our near-brush with the law *nudges Gorgeous* has been thrilling and orgasmically beautiful. Afterall, carpe-ing the diem usually means taking risks and seizing the day. Also, we also did our first collaboratory photoshoot together, courtesy of http://www.sim-li-fen.com

Now, it may not be Ave, Upfront or Looque standard, but it was a great time of bonding as well as fulfilling our semi-unreleased inhibitions as certified photo-whores. but admit it, we're hot sex. *hiakshiaks*

speaking of hot sex, a great big Happy Birthday shoutout to Denise KOK hui fen for hitting the big two zero before me. :D love ya deep deep and hope to meet up with you soon for a time of great bitching and verbal sparring.

I understand that you viewers would definitely like to get into my mind, but after summing up much of 2 months and its highlights, i'd better end here. 0512hrs on a friday morning isn't exactly good for the complexion or the health. so au revoir and till we meet again.

play safe, be naughty!

zhi